I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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