i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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