I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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