I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
