2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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