I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
