can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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