I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
