your thong is hanging out like whoa
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
