you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
love makes seman taste better
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
