i need an iv and a liver transplant
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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