I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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