sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
