My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize