theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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