Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
When are your genitals available?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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