I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
