Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
