They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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