I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If I die, sorry about rent.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
