Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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