My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
