We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
