Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize