drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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