I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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