dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
