i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
