I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
