I molested 6 butterflies tonight
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
