remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
