Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
