I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you inspire me to be a worse person
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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