Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Im part way to drunk.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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