All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
