I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
