Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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