Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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