Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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