I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
