dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize