I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
pray to the hookup gods
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
