the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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