The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
