Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
