It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
