i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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