i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
