she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
