1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dick very happy bro
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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