Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
