i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
