i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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