Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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