oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
