We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize