Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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