I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
