I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
