The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
