I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
