Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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