i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize