so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
