wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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