You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
