I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
